Loss is
you called my name on 15 June, 2009 at 10:11 p.m.
and i knew inside i loved you.

Nat training tonight. Felt so dead and yet alive, blinded by the floodlights. Heart spinning into overdrive. Catch your breath, it's the last stretch.
Thank you all, have a good night. Eat well and sleep tight.

And these were my thoughts amidst the lactic, the exhaustion, heavy breathing and the stars in my eyes:

Loss is not recieving the wrong purchase delivered from the mail, but it is losing your favourite tank and shorts after changing out for gym.
It is not missing out on good food or movies, but rejecting good company.
It's not losing contact with someone, but losing their respect.
Loss is not falling short of the required numbers, but it is not trying hard enough to attain them.
Loss is not in making mistakes, but it is not learning why they were wrong.
Loss is not getting hurt by others, but hurting someone.
Loss is not losing a dream, but it is losing sight of having dreams.
And finally, loss is not in estrangement, but in unforgiveness.

This goes out to one person - i don't know if you still come here (there's a [possibility you do) - I haven't spoken to you in a long time. I'm sorry and i miss you. I wish we hadn't let those trivial stuff come between us. We were never that close, but you were always special to me. And yet, i can't seem to find it in me to tell you these things personally. If you do know who you are (knowing the intuitive you, i guess you do) please do come forward and tell me we can forget about all that happened before. And tell me that it can be just like old times (: I'd really like that.

So what is loss to you?

I'm happy. Lately i've been exactly the person i want to be. Infinitely flawed, but definitely me.

between the lines of fear and blame
you begin to wonder why you came.